Hair: Retarded.
Beard: Amazing.
Weight: Stable 220
Exercise: All the calories I burn when I eat lots and lots of food.

---

So things are looking up, but that doesn't mean I'm not lonely. The good news is that I'm going home in five days or so to see my friends, family, and the love of my life.

The news is pretty good when it comes to Paige, too, but I'm not really at liberty to discuss it. I think that's pretty cool, the fact that I can't discuss it.

I've been incredibly lazy lately. I'm pretty annoyingly boring. I don't know why, but motivation is down and lazing is up.

I've really been into AC for Answer the last week or so. It helps that Dylan and I figured out how to play multiplayer, too, because now we're playing it pretty regularly. Can I ever emphasize how much I love the internet?

I've been hanging out at Chris's house the last couple nights, but surprisingly not with Chris. He's been off doing his own thing, I've been hanging out with Aaron or Lonnie or, sometimes, Wes. It's been alright.

Cedar City is amazing during autumn. The sky is clear, the leaves are all shades or red and orange... everything is just beautiful. Walking around the streets is ideal. I love not having to drive.

Nothing else, though. Nothing else much. Just waiting to go home. More updates when I think of important things to say.

Hair: Shaggy, but not really long yet.
Beard: Glorious.
Weight: 218.1
Exercise: Walking. I'm going to hit the gym later.

---

Just finished season two of Dexter. I love that show. It's way intense. I'm going to buy the DVDs soon enough. Season three is out and I want to see it.

I also spent the weekend and some of yesterday watching something like twenty episodes of The Office. I love that show. Somehow it always finds a way to make me laugh, make me uncomfortable, and pull at my heartstrings.

So I'm basically updating because Paige asked me to. I wasn't entirely sure that people read this, but who needs people when you have person, right? Good. I'm glad. Besides, the stuff I write about is too mundane to be very entertaining anyway.

I'm way behind on my capstone paper. I'm feeling overwhelmed by it, even though I haven't really put any work into it and I have more than enough time to do so. I don't know. My lack of trying has really put me in a funk to start this assignment.

It rained all yesterday. It was pretty nice, though cold. The weather has been so nice lately (rain included).

My spirits have been really low. Probably for a few reasons. I've had some low self-esteem lately. I don't know why entirely, and I'm trying to search my soul for that answer, but I can't come up with one yet. I've also been feeling kind of left out.

Chris, who I usually spend my weekends with, went up to Park City on Friday and didn't come back until yesterday. Then, when he came back, all the people that I usually see around and sometimes hang out with start hoarding around him like they missed him. Instead of even saying hello to me. I don't know. Maybe I'm lumped in with that crowd a little bit, too. Maybe I need to liberate myself.

I didn't do a damn thing this weekend. I pretty much sat at home the entire time. There was a time on Friday where I drank a little with Aaron at his apartment and played video games with his roommates. Then there was Monday when Aaron and Lonnie came over to watch the Chargers game (and consequently annoyed me while I was putting a lot of hope into my team). But that was all the social interaction I had this weekend. And it was sad.

Which is why I ended up watching so much of The Office. It cheered me up for a short period of time. And then I realized how crappy my life is and went back to being sad.

I don't know. I feel like I'm in some kind of downhill battle with myself. And it's only strengthening itself as I go. I've just been getting more temperamental and eventually I'm going to break.

I fear that I've already broken on a smaller level. I'm not sure why, but lately I've been far too worried. Sometimes someone will cough and I'll be afraid that I'm going to get sick. It's irrational, I tell myself, but I can't help it. If I start developing all sorts of phobias (which I already have), please just put me out of my misery. Or drive me out to Palm Springs and leave me there until I either die of hyperventilation or get better.

I'm so cut off from the world. Maybe that's the reason. I used to be able to feel like I was at home, thanks to the being able to utilize Xbox Live, but since I've come out here, I haven't had any way to communicate with some of my closest friends through one medium we all shared. I just feel a little out in the cold on their lives because I only share the occasional text-message conversation with Dylan anymore.

I've continued to apply for jobs. No calls back. I'm feel like both a social and financial failure. I have no money and I have no way of making money. I'm pretty much lost on every step of the ladder.

I've been listening to a lot of jazz and big-band lately. Jazz has a way of mimicking my emotions through the sudden changes of pace and improvisation, whereas big-band can put on the facade of happiness, even while singing about sad things.

Take Dean Martin's "Wham! Bam! Thank You Ma'am" for example. He's singing a song about his heart being broken, but it's still upbeat. It has no positive message, other than to say that he won't be making that mistake ever again. Oh, and not trusting people. Why can't we have music like this anymore?

Speaking of trusting people (ahem, you know you are) I really feel bad that my emotions get this way. I don't know how to say that I know I'm in the wrong, mostly because when I'm feeling that way it seems perfectly logical to me. I realize I have a double standard. I'm trying really hard to give it up. It's just one of those things I'm still trying to work through. I'll get over it, but I have no time frame on how long that will take. I'm sorry about that.

And that's all I have for today. I'm going to go to the gym later to improve myself. I'm going to put some perseverance into getting better in all facets of my being. Oh, and I'm going to call HughesNet and try to fix my Xbox connection. Hopefully they can help.

See ya.

Blah
Blah
Blah
Blah

---

So I've been having some rough times lately. I'm not entirely sure the exact cause of it, but I guess I can give you some insight into my thoughts.

I was really excited to break into the political sphere. I was calling my candidate, making plans, I even filmed the city council candidate debate, but I think I'm going to give it up. There isn't enough time to get really involved with elections around the corner on November 3rd, and I've only recently found out how little I know about politics and campaigning.

I went to a couple parties this weekend. Probably drank more than I should. Great thing I live close enough to walk home. I just had a particularly bad time this weekend. I don't exactly know why, but I just snapped all the sudden and had to leave. It was like I couldn't take it anymore. As I was walking home, though, this dog came running at me out of nowhere. It was a mid-sized dog, and I certainly wasn't afraid (though, I'm sure I would have been more cautious if I hadn't have been drinking) and jumped up on me and started licking. So I pet it and started to like this dog.

Anyway, she followed me home and I gave her some treats. She just stayed around me all night. I must have sat outside petting her for something like two hours, and when I got tired I brought her inside with me. I pulled out the bed in the couch and she slept next to me. She woke up around six, so I let her go outside because I knew the sun would rise and she'd be fine to run around without getting hit by cars. I still haven't seen her around since I let her go back. I think her owner found her, or perhaps she just went back home.

I named her Angel, as in "guardian angel," because I was thinking some really depressing stuff before she came around, but then she was my company for the night. I really want to adopt her. Maybe I'll hide her at my place if she ever comes back. I need a dog like that.

I've got way too much free time most of the time and I'm still not doing the work I probably should be. I've pretty much gone back to leaving schoolwork until the last minute.

I still don't have a job. And I have no money. I've been really stressed about making rent. I've been applying all over the place, but no calls back. And I don't think I'll get any, either. I've been mooching off my family and I feel bad about it. Especially because my grandparents have been investing so much in me and I'm not sure I've got much to give back.

Things certainly have been worse, and I'm probably not the one to be complaining about my situation in life, but I can't get myself fully out of this mood. I'm fine when I'm around people... well, I usually am. For at least a little while.

I don't know. I have the overwhelming feeling to be around people, but then when I get around people I feel the need to be alone. It's sad, really.

I need some guidance.

...........................

Oh, and as an added update at 11pm: Things got worse. Yay for me.

Hair: Beautifully slow-growing.
Beard: Getting as long as my hair.
Weight: 221
Exercise: Riding my bike around town and doing a substantial amount of walking.

---

So I'm finally free of my far-away house and living somewhere I can really appreciate. It's beautiful.

My house is great. Just the distance from school is reason enough (because the bike ride to school take, oh, one minute) and the room itself is awesome. I've almost got it filled with furniture already, too. It's amazing.

I'm going to go pick up a sleeper-loveseat in a couple hours. Everything else is already amazing. I'm so loving this place. Oh, and the studio is like, way close, too.

Which reminds me, PSS released a new song. It's also quite phenomenal. You should check it out if you know where to (I'm not going to post the link, because I don't want my identity revealed).

This week is a little bit hectic, but it'll get better before too long. Like, Thursday.

Okay, I'm going to get back to homework. Things are going well.

You know that ominous feeling? Well it's only getting worse.

Yesterday, my sister got into a pretty hardcore car accident. She's basically okay, just a lot shaken up. And bruised. I don't know. I figure I'm next.

I still need a job. Like, bad. I've got barely enough money to pay for another month of rent (at the place I'm moving to) and I probably won't have any money for food. At least I'll save on gas money, seeing as I'm just going to ride my bike everywhere.

If you're reading this, and are in the Cedar City, Utah area, and know of somewhere that's hiring that won't completely fuck up my schedule, please tell me. I need the money.

God, things are just going to get worse, aren't they?

So I'm being kicked out of my house. The reason? I didn't take the trash cans out to the street.

That's the only bullshit reason.

So I've got to have all my stuff out by the end of the month. Excellent, right?

Fuck this place...


I leave for California tomorrow, taking a bus all the way out. I'm going to get picked up by Paige, which will be nice. It will be good to be home, I think. I still haven't told my parents, so they'll be surprised that I'm there.

And then I get to come back here, get a job and get a new place to live.

Stressful.

Hair: Starting to fall over instead of natural faux-hawk. Boo.
Beard: Annoying against my pillow.
Weight: 219.4
Exercise: Over the last week... probably not much.

---

I've been rapping. The album drops on October 3rd, the time of the next home football game. We are planning on busting it out at the tailgate party. So needless to say, we've been spending a lot of time in the studio, working on some new stuff. PSS doing it all the time.

I bought Fallout 3. I can't tear myself away from it. It's terribly addicting. Thanks to Paige for helping finance the end of my life through video games.

I think I'm becoming caffeine intolerant. Every time I drink a cup of coffee, I get a little anxious and it feels like my internal organs are failing. Of course, I only THINK it's that way, and I love coffee too much, so I'm going to keep drinking it until I pretty much can't anymore.

I'm planning on traveling back to Escondido on Friday. The ferrets are leaving on Tuesday. Make sense? I'll explain. I'm sending the ferrets out with my grandparents, who are leaving for California on Wednesday morning (but the ferret journey starts on Tuesday night). On Friday, I'm going to get a bus out to California thanks to an conveniently timed SUU football game.

I'm still looking for a job, currently with the assistance of my lovely girlfriend. I'll tell you if anything goes through.

School has been pretty intense. I've got a lot to do this week, and hopefully I can do it just fine. Which reminds me, I should get on that right now.

See you later, children.

Hair:
Beard:
Weight:
Exercise:

---

I left 'em all blank because I don't feel like descriptions today.

There's been a pretty large fire burning over the hill from my house. I say that like it's close, but it's really a few miles away... The thing is that ash keeps covering my car and house and gets everywhere and makes everything dirty. It's annoying, and also a constant source of at least mild anxiety, not to mention the fact that it's 90+ degrees outside and the wind is blowing in the direction of my house.

I've begun using Yahoo! Messenger again, because it's more fun than AIM. Not that I really used AIM much lately, either, but now that I have to communicate from long distances with those I love, I'm choosing YIM. Yeah.

I went to St. George today. It was hot, and made me feel like crap. Plus I wasn't able to upgrade to a better phone because it turns out you can't do that if you haven't payed your month's bill yet. Who knew?

In terms of entertainment: I watched some NASCAR with my grandparents, along with the Little League World Championship, some old tennis replays, The Naked Gun 33 1/3, and various other things. I'm not big into NASCAR in any way, but it was hilarious trying to watch these guys navigate the street course in the rain, spinning out and crashing into each other. What a bunch of overpaid turds. Oh, and I did watch an episode of True Blood. It was good and I can't wait to watch the next. Man, that show gets better and better.

Anyway, I've got to go to bed. I'll see y'all tomorrow morning.

Hair: " "
Beard: That annoying length where it still stands straight and itches pretty bad.
Weight: 224.2
Exercise: I'm a lazy son of a bitch.

---

Today was pretty laid back. I really didn't do much. I went to class, came home, and have pretty much vegged out all day. Boo. Sad, right?

One interesting thing did happen on campus. After my TV production class (which was pretty cool, I must say), I went to the bookstore to pick some stuff up, and when I was walking out with my stuff, an alarm started going off. "This is an emergency alert. Please proceed to the nearest exit to the building." All the doors closed automatically... it was pretty cool. I still don't know what happened, but I didn't really stick around to find out.

I've been home since then. Watching True Blood. It's getting really, really good. But that's been it. I did make some phone calls about my living arrangements, and I did play with my ferrets, but I still feel really lazy today. I'll finally do the stuff I needed to do all week tomorrow.

So that's all today. I'll give you more interesting information if I come by it.


(There's that substandard growing beard. I'm taking pictures every other day or so to track progress. Cool, right?)

Hair: Somewhat greasy, I forgot to shampoo it this morning
Beard: Feels good to rub my face. It's growing quickly.
Weight: I just drank like two bottles of water. If I were to weigh myself right now, it'd be a problem.
Exercise: I decided to longboard around campus today, which is the first time I've longboarded in forever. I also took the rest of my stuff out of storage and had to lift things repeatedly.. I'll have a gym membership thing by the end of the week.

---

So I've already done two days of the school year. Excellent. My classes are all pretty good, except one that I think will be way too hard and another that will be way too easy. Otherwise, it's a good schedule.
I still need to get a job. I hear Convergy's is still hiring, and besides it being a 30 hour week, it might prove to be an awesome paycheck for me. I mean, 30 hours a week at 10 dollars an hour. That'll pay for my rent in a week and about $700 dollars in miscellaneous crap and credit card debt in a month. Not bad, right? Yeah, I think I'll apply, even though I could really use the extra time in my schedule.

The ferrets are running around. They're super excellent. They're also super energetic.

I let Chris borrow all my furniture. He needed it and I needed to get it out of storage before my time expired. It was a win-win situation. Now his room is awesome.

I can't think of anything else. I'm sure there's more, but that's about it for me. Until next time, faithful readers.